Veggie Tales - His Cheeseburger

Remember Veggie Tales? Kids programming, starring vegetables with just a dash of religion. No? Me neither. But here they are with a song about a guy and his cheeseburger. It takes a bit to get going but once you get there it's kinda catchy.

Boston Pizza - Prime Rib Burger with cheese - Mississauga

Place: Boston Pizza

Location: 50 Courtney Park Drive, Mississauga

Type: Chain Restaurant. 

Web Site: www.bostonpizza.com

Atmosphere: Boring warehouse

Burger: B.P. Prime Rib Burger with cheese

# do Pattys: 1

Special Sauce: No (more on that later)

Toppings: ketchup

THE PLACE

Boston Pizza is a restaurant, that is for sure. They serve food, they have tables and chairs. It is definitely a place to sit and eat. It possible considers itself a classy place, since it is so devoid of decoration except for black and white photo's. It has there things that are made of metal and rise up from the end of booths that I guess you can hang your coats on. If you look up the ceiling seems to be a remnant of a factory. I know I'm not a classy guy but I really don't have anything to say about the decor other than it is un-remarkable.

THE BURGER

First I would like to point out that the B.P. Prime Rib Burger comes with a "zesty sauce that simply defies description." I can easily describe it as missing because it did not come on the burger. I specifically mentioned, when saying I didn't want lettuce or tomatoes, that I still wanted the special sauce.

Question: why didn't you ask for the special sauce to be put on when you noticed it wasn't on.

Answer: I am reviewing the burger I got, not the burger I wish I got.

Not that I think it would have made a difference. The burger was so bland I could honestly say it probably had no taste, none, it was like biting into water. Not just water, bland water. I cannot imagine how a special sauce could have made this burger any better and if  the special sauce was the thing that gave flavor to this burger than this burger would not be worth saving. A cheeseburger has to taste good on its own, the sauce is to compliment it. This burger did not taste good at all. It was an exceedingly below average cheeseburger.

But it looked nice, right? Yes, it did, but looks only go so far. It's taste that counts in the end and in this end there was no taste.

So points for a nice bun. Points for a nice looking patty. Points for a good slice of cheese. Minus several points for the terrible blandness.

Rating: .5 out of 5. 

Note: To be fair I will return to Boston Pizza and get the burger with the sauce and will update.

Mac Sabbath - Frying Pan

They call themselves the Kings of "Drive Through Metal." I don't know if this a real parody or if they are trying to make a point about something. But it's cheeseburger related so here we are. Presenting the band Mac Sabbath and their song Frying Pan. (A take off of the Black Sabbath song Iron Man.)

The Works - SK8R Boy

Place: The Works

Location: 8 Queen Street E, Brampton

Type: Chain Restaurant

Website: www.worksburger.com

Atmosphere: 80's Hair Metal

Burger: SK8R Boy

#of Pattys: 1

Special Sauce: Peanut Butter

Toppings: Bacon

Type of Cheese: Jack Cheese

THE PLACE

Do you know who the band Whitesnake is? No? Well look them up, I'll wait.

Ok, you back? Good. Now imagine you made a Whitesnake video then turned that video into a burger restaurant. That is The Works. An 80's hair metal of a restaurant. Not that I'm complaining. It's nice to find a restaurant that actually knows what it is then goes whole hog, unlike other places where hey just paint things white with a stripe and calls it decor. 

THE BURGER

First of all let us talk about the name. This burger is called the "SK8R Boy." I am not a SK8R Boy, I don't know anyone I could call a SK8R Boy. I know there is a song Called SK8R Boy which I don't like. This has nothing to do with the burger, I just wanted to say how much I don't like the song SK8R Boy.

Onto the burger. The SK8R Boy is a burger topped with peanut butter, jack cheese and bacon surrounded with an artisanal bun. It's tastes great! Greater than it should taste but not as great as it could taste. With each bite you could taste every flavor, no one taste overpowered the others. The peanut butter was not "drip off the burger onto your hand" runny (how they accomplish this I'll never know) and the jack cheese was big enough that you it was strong but not so big that it didn't hug the burger. The bacon was bacon, nice and crispy. The bun was lightly toasted and darn tasty.

So what was wrong with it? While each flavor could but tasted none of the flavors were strong enough to make my mouth light up with glee. Yes, you could tell it was a superior burger but it wasn't too superior that I'd remember the name tomorrow. (Which I didn't. I've had to refer to the company web site at least twice in writing this up.)

But here is the thing, I would have this again. Any cheeseburger that has peanut butter has my attention. Any cheeseburger that makes peanut butter taste so good is one I would have again.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Woody Burger - The Royal Woody - Havelock, Ontario

Place: Woody Burger
Location: 1020 Ottawa Street E. Havelock, Ontario
Type: Independent Restaurant
Web Site: http://woodyburger.com
Atmosphere: Small town 50's diner.
The Burger: The Royal Woody
# of Pattys:  2
Special Sauce?: Yes. Which may or may not have included relish.
Toppings: Lettuce, ketchup, mustard and may or may not have included relish.
Burger to bun ratio: Bad. More bun than burger but only slightly.

THE PLACE

On our way back from Ottawa the Mrs. Suggests we stop at a small town restaurant and we stumble upon Woody Burger, a 50's style diner kinda place with two big screen TV's that was showing old Woody Woodpecker cartoons, so i like the place right away.
Our server was friendly, which is always nice. The menu was laid out well, which is also nice. The food there is basically burgers, pizza and pasta which seemed strange for some reason. I'm not holding anything against the place but it seemed a strange combination for the atmosphere.
Because I was on vacation and feeling adventurous I chose the Royal Woody. Two patties, special sauce, onions, pickles and cheese. I asked for the onions and pickles to be taken off because onions and pickles should never be spoken in the same language as the word cheeseburger.

THE BURGER

Let's start with the pattys, shall we? They were large, filling and just the right amount of juicy. Unfortunately they were just a smidge smaller than the bun. The cheddar cheese was melted the way it was supposed to be, which is soft, clutching the burger and not stuck to the bun.

The bun was good. Not too firm, not too weak. It didn't fall apart while I was eating it, so it's got that going for it. Also it had sesame seeds which I always enjoy.

There was a special sauce but I don't know what it was. I saw some brown looking stuff under the bottom patty but it didn't turn me off, I just couldn't tell any Taste difference.

And then, the worst offense a restaurant can do happened. They put the condiments on themselves. Ketchup, mustard and, horror of horror, relish right there under the last patty. Who, outside of a fast food joint, put the condiments on the burger for you? I don't like mustard, I despise relish as the hell condiment it is. It never crossed my mind to say "please don't put any condiments on my burger please" because you aren't supposed to put condiments on for the customer! Is this a small town thing? Is it a practical joke? No no no this is not right at all. 

Question: If it bothered me so much why didn't I sent the burger back?

Answer: Because I was reviewing the burger I got, not the burger I wished I got.

Another Question: Why didn't you ask for it without ketchup, mustard and (ugh) relish?

Another Answer: It never crossed my mind? I can't remember the last time I went to a sit down restaurant and had to ask them not to put on condiments. In fact I can't remember any time I've had to do that. It just isn't done, at least not around here.

The fries were nice and crispy as all fries should be. But this isn't French Fry hunter.

In the end it was a good burger, but it would have been better if they didn't put the condiments on themselves. That is just unforgivable.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5. 

Alton Brown - How to Make a Burger

Once upon a time there was a TV show called "Dear Food Network" where regular people could write their favourite Food Network personalities and they would drop in and teach a valuable food lesson. One one episode food God Alton Brown answered a woman's letter about the best way to cook a hamburger. The results are fabulous.

Just FYI Alton and I are in complete agreement on the adding of lettuce and other salad fixings to your burger. 

The Works - Hunka Hunka - Brampton

Place: The Works

Location: 8 Queen St. E., Brampton

Type: Chain Restaurant

Website: www.worksburger.com

Atmosphere: Post Modern Factory

Burger: Hunka Hunka

# of Pattys: 1

Type of Cheese: None (More on this later.)

Special Sauce: Peanut Butter (Yes really.)

Toppings: Banana and bacon strips. (Again, yes really.)

THE PLACE

How does one describe a place like The Works? No seriously how do you describe The Works? I asked the waitress and she didn't know. A guy at the other table volunteered "I was wondering the same thing and we don't know." Among myself and my three dinner companions we came up with "Factory gone mad", "Outdoors brought in" and "Junkyard Aesthetic." Take a look at the picture above and you'll get a hint.

I'll tell you this, at least it's not a place with a moose head on the wall wearing a funny hat. The world needs less of those places.

THE BURGER

Let's start at the beginning. This is not a CHEESE burger. I had ordered a different burger and they brought me this, the Hunka Hunka. I had taken a bite before I realized and when I noticed the waitress said they would make me the right burger and I could continue to eat this one.

Because whenever someone offers you a free burger you say yes!

So let's say this is a special non- cheeseburger review shall we.

There was another reason. I had taken a bite and that bite was so good, so full of flavor that I thought my heart was going to stop.

Ok, let's get the tiny details out of the way first. This burger, the Hunka Hunka, is a beef patty covered in peanut butter, topped with sliced bananas and finally bacon strips surrounded by a Artisian bun. The bun was solid and lightly toasted. The peanut butter was just the right amount of runny. 

Nothing overpowers anything else flavor wise. You get a hint of peanut butter, a taste of banana, a chunk of bacon and just the right amount of meat on each bite.

And yes, it's not a Cheeseburger.

Ok, enough of the technical stuff. When I bit into this burger I felt closer to a perfect burger than I have ever been in my life. The flavors were heavenly. When I took my first bite I literally wrote "OMG!" And I never write or say that because I am not a 12 year old girl.

Ok, so nit picky time. The burger to bun ratio was wrong and the meat wasn't as juicy as I like. But right now my mouth is going "who the hell cares?"

So to sum up, the Gods of burger served me a burger and it was the Hunka Hunka.

And yes, it wasn't a Cheeseburger. 

Rating: 4.6 out of five.*

*not a cheeseburger.

Why does a McDonald's burger look different in the ad then in real life?

It's the eternal question. Why does a McDonalds burger look different in an ad then in real life? In the following video Hope Bagozzi, Director of Marketing for McDonald's Canada answers this all important burger question.

Burger King - The Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger

Place: Burger King

Location: 195 Fletcher's Creek Blvd, Brampton

Type: Chain Restaurant 

Web Site: www.burgerking.ca

Atmosphere: Fast Food

Burger: The Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger

#of Pattys: 2

Special Sauce: HP Sauce

Toppings: Bacon

THE PLACE

Burger King. Really that's all that has to be said. Most of have been to a Burger King at least once in our lives. It's a fast food place that is just comfortable enough for you to sit for about ten minutes. You don't go to Burger King for deep, meaningful conversation you go to eat burgers then go elsewhere.

THE CHEESEBURGER

The Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger. It's a good name and a good idea in theory. In theory Communism worked, in theory. (Stolen Simpson's joke. Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Two pattys, one slice of cheddar between the pattys, bacon and topped with HP Sauce surrounded by a bun. Looking at it on the board I didn't know about the HP Sauce on a burger but figured I would use it with steak so why not a burger? This is where you expect me to say it doesn't work but honestly the HP Sauce wasn't the downfall of this burger.

No the downfall of this burger is the meat. The pattys, while doing excellent in the all important meat to bun ratio, was just bland and lifeless. The bacon might have been over cooked, it was hard to tell because it was covered in HP Sauce but I've never seen a good piece of bacon look like that. The bun was fine, just fine. Really for a special, limited time burger it was just a big ball of blah. At least the cheese was nice, so it's got that going for it.

Look, I get it, Burger King is fast food and we don't expect excellence from fast food but I really like the whopper and don't quite understand why they wouldn't take a little bit more time to figure out how to make a special, limited time burger taste better than this.

But also look at it. It doesn't look that nice either. It looks like someone just squished it. I'm supposing those lines in the bun represent some sort of pressing/cooking machine but all it did was make it look like they were trying to turn two pattys into one. 

All in all the Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger is just a let down and does nothing to argue against the belief that fast food is no good food.

Rating:1.5 out of 5.

Five Guys Review Song - Oh My Daym!

As a follow up to my Five Guys review from last week here is a review in song form courtesy of the folks at Songify the News made from a review from Daym Drops. 

I dare you not to listen to this three or four times.

Five Guys Burgers & Fries - Cheeseburger - Brampton

Place: Five Guys Burgers & Fries

Location: 48 Peel Centre Drive, Brampton

Type: Chain Restaurant

Website: www.fiveguys.com

Atmosphere: White with a trim of red. Think hospital with better food.

Burger: Cheeseburger

# of Patty's: 2

Type of Cheese: Cheddar

Special Sauce: None

Toppings: Ketchup

THE PLACE

Five Guys burgers is a chain burger place that wants you to desperately know how good they are. I mean they just have to have you know that they are really really good. Can't tell? Then look on our walls. See all those newspaper reviews? Look at them, LOOK AT THEM! Now love us!

Also a lot of white. I guess they are going for the clean, sterile look. I think they are saying "our decor doesn't matter, it's the food that speaks for us. The food and the review on the wall NOW LOVE US!"

Just to break up the white are lines of red checkers. So the place is white with a hint of red that wants you to love it, pretty please.

THE BURGER

Look at that.

Look.

Can you see what I see?

I see a beautiful burger. A beautiful, tasty burger that makes my taste buds work overtime just looking at it.

Sure the bun is a little thin and the burger to bun ratio is off but I dare you to say this isn't a good looking burger.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

See, you couldn't do it, could you? 

So we've seen the burger, now what does it taste like? Well friends this is a burger that is amazingly above average. The pattys (they give you two automatically.) are nice and juicy, cooked to perfection and filled with taste. The cheese droops from the patty but does not fall.. The bun is lightly toasted and they let you choose your own toppings so you could have whatever you want or don't want.

This is a burger someone cared about. Someone took the time to make sure this very burger was as good a chain restaurant could make it.

So can you tell I liked it?

The fries were as good as fries should be for this good a burger and they were plentiful. 

So in the end Five Guys Burgers & Fries makes an excellent burger with just small things to complain about. 

NOW LOVE US!

rating: 4.5 out of 5

The Joy of the Humble Cheeseburger

It's simple really. A patty, a slice of cheese and a bun. It's difficult to mess up but almost impossible to perfect. It is the humble cheeseburger.
In my humble opinion the cheeseburger is natures perfect food and I've decided to find the perfect one. And since nothing worth doing is worth doing without blogging here we are.
Of course there is a problem. I'm not much of a traveller so I'm stuck in the Greater Toronto Area (Sorry Paris readers.) but I will occasionally search outside of my comfort zone. I'm looking at you

Havelock.
For the sake of cataloging I will use three categories. Independent restaurants, chain restaurants (your McDonalds and Burger Kings) and Store Bought (like from a grocery store which my wife will most likely cook because she's good at that sort of thing.)
I will pay attention to how juicy the pattie is (a little but not too much), the meat to bun ratio (more meat than bun) and some boring things like taste.
Now I'm not that big a condiment guy. I prefer a simple cheeseburger of meat, bun, cheese (cheddar) and a little bit of ketchup. On occasion I will throw safety to the wind and try a secret sauce. Never will I put tomatoes on it, tomatoes are the devils food and should be wiped out of existence by the use of some sort of time machine.

So let's travel down this road together and maybe we will find the perfect cheeseburger, or at least have fun trying.